the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
