What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
