Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
