I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
