Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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