so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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