I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
