dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
