We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
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I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
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don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.