Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(519): View more from Ontario

her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs

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(204): View more from Manitoba

Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.

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(207): View more from Maine

Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(916): View more from California

So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.

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(518): View more from New York

Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge

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(706): View more from Georgia

I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.

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(248): View more from Michigan

No piss test, hell yeah

(248): View more from Michigan

FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.

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(641): View more from Iowa

Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.

(641): View more from Iowa

I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.

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