her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
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So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
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Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.