Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
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I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I need water and some morals