oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
