Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it