Texts From Last Night

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.

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  (401): i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care. http://tfl.nu/npdd
  Replies (10) Good night (3111) Bad night (757)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i would rim the shit out of meg ryan

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  (630): i would rim the shit out of meg ryan http://tfl.nu/j227
  Replies (23) Good night (1079) Bad night (2440)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.

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  (248): the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot. http://tfl.nu/4bij
  Replies (20) Good night (2496) Bad night (921)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex

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  (570): the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex http://tfl.nu/q8xg
  Replies (28) Good night (4538) Bad night (881)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"

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  (778): we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza" http://tfl.nu/yszc
  Replies (11) Good night (3987) Bad night (643)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.

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  (732): i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is. http://tfl.nu/s7zh
  Replies (16) Good night (5025) Bad night (1720)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.

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  (919): Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music. http://tfl.nu/oyb0
  Replies (24) Good night (8034) Bad night (1151)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here

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  (519): i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here http://tfl.nu/yje7
  Replies (7) Good night (2713) Bad night (1056)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game

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  (512): He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game http://tfl.nu/mfd2
  Replies (13) Good night (2016) Bad night (526)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.

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  (920): I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister. http://tfl.nu/n0zu
  Replies (11) Good night (1181) Bad night (571)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.

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  (573): I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh. http://tfl.nu/ykfv
  Replies (1) Good night (754) Bad night (449)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Drunk yet?

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.

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  (336): Drunk yet? (980): Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me. http://tfl.nu/2v48
  Replies (0) Good night (889) Bad night (370)
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  (212): View more from New York

  so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated

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  (212): so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated http://tfl.nu/0gd1
  Replies (2) Good night (811) Bad night (421)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.

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  (308): First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress. http://tfl.nu/t184
  Replies (2) Good night (783) Bad night (350)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?

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  (734): The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low? http://tfl.nu/9f5e
  Replies (4) Good night (669) Bad night (357)

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