I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
