Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
