College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
