Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
