he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
