I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My vagina is officially offended.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
