I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
