I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Boobs speak an international language.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
