Your favorite bartender is back from prision
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
