i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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