he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
