Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
