your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
