This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
