there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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