I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
