For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
