woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
