I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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