Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I fill condoms, not promises.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
