Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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