taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
