Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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