Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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