I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
