haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
