can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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