I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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