The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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