why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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