I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
