I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
