i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
