My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
