He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
