Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
