I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I've blown a few things in my day
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
