Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
