I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
