Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
