Buhtt sex?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Randomize
