none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
