hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
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Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You were trust falling into bushes
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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