I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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