uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
