Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
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I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
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The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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