You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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