so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
