Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
