...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
