hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
