i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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