at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
