It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
