Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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