woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
