Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
