There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
