and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
