I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
